Gendered marketing takes place throughout the year, but it’s especially blatant in May and June as families across America celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. This type of marketing is not only problematic, but it’s short-sighted in a world where our cultural understanding of gender is undergoing a transformation. Let’s dig in.
When a gift sends a message
Breakfast in bed. A massage. A few hours to yourself.
These are things you might see on a Mother’s Day gift idea list, while the typical Father’s Day gift guides include items like grilling tools, a craft beer kit, and golf clubs. Moms deserve a break, pampering, and a day off from the typical mothering duties, while dads get gifts that further affirm their masculinity. This dichotomy is clear across gift guides, marketing campaigns, social media posts, and inside the language of greeting cards.
For an excellent take on greeting cards specifically, read this from The Atlantic (here’s an excerpt): “...The other is a cartoon dystopia where crudely drawn characters live out a stereotypical parenting farce. Here, every child is an unmanageable hellion or a perfect angel, mothers are chore-obsessed disciplinarians who must physically hide from the endless demands of their mob of loin-fruit, and fathers are … off golfing. Or grilling. Or on the toilet....While there were a few that had expansive notions of mothers’ and fathers’ responsibilities, for the most part, the themes and symbols of both sentimental and funny cards reflected a stark division of gender roles in parenting: In card-world, mothers do everything, and fathers are an afterthought.”
Part of this is stereotypical gendered marketing, and we’ll get into that in a second. But there’s something else at play here: the message is that moms deserve a break on Mother’s Day reinforces the notion that they’re the ones who are supposed to be on during the other 364 days of the year. Unlike other Sundays, fathers are often expected to “play” primary parent on Mother’s Day. On Father’s Day, dads don’t require this degree of self care — the day is more about spending the day with the family, barbequing or fishing with the kids.
This dichotomy perpetuates outdated and harmful gender roles. As many women continue to deal with an unequal and unfair division of labor at home, the Mother’s/Father’s Day dynamic makes dads’ cluelessness look cute while also diminishing those fathers who play an active and equal (or greater) role in the household. A look specifically at greeting cards highlights the way our society associates each parent with gender-based skills (moms are nurturing, there for you — dads are funny, fun), which is problematic for anyone who doesn’t identify with those traits, single parents, and gender-diverse parents.
Narrow and limited means missing out on market share
Marketers and retailers are starting to understand that perceptions of gender are changing rapidly, and so are customers’ buying habits. It’s worth noting, for example, that more than half of young men in the U.S. use skincare products (related: a great recent read from the New York Times Magazine — Makeup Is For Everyone).
So why are our Mother’s and Father’s Day gift selections still so limited? While it’s been encouraging to see some media outlets expand their gift guides to include not-so-typically-gendered items, you’re still much more likely to find robes, candles and flowers for moms, and grilling, beer and sports stuff for dad. You’d be hard pressed to find whiskey stones, for example, on a Mother’s Day Gift Guide or on a Mother’s Day gift display in-store, even though women make up 30% of whiskey drinkers and control 70% of the purchasing power over alcohol.
The point here is that marketers and retailers are missing out on an opportunity to sell more and different products because of narrow assumptions about what type of gifts people want based on their genders. A dad may very well want a soft, plush robe for Father’s Day, and a mom may want new grill tools. Stores can lead by example here and truly embrace an inclusive approach that challenges outdated stereotypes, offering products that represent the full range of their customers’ preferences — which in turn will ultimately lead to more sales.
What about Parents' Day?
Here’s a question: why do we even need gendered parenting days in the first place? This practice excludes non-binary and other gender-diverse parents who don’t identify as a “mother” or “father.” Here’s a thoughtful take from a non-binary parent, who explains: “I am not sure what the solution is, but I know I’d rather be celebrated for being a parent and not specifically a mother.”
Mother’s Day first came on the scene in the early 1900s via Anna Jarvia, with Woodrow Wilson making it an official holiday in 1914 — "a public expression of our love and reverence for the mothers of our country." He also said that the day should celebrate “that tender, gentle army—the mothers of America.” It wasn’t until 1972 that Father’s Day became a national holiday, though it was culturally celebrated well before that. The history of these days is an interesting microcosm of gender in the United States — and how commercial forces like greeting card companies, retailers and restaurants helped perpetuate many gendered stereotypes.
Regardless, if our goal is to create a special day to honor and celebrate our parents, why does this have to happen in a gendered way? A shift to Parents’ Day would be more inclusive for many families and allow children to celebrate all of the parents and parent-figures in their life in the way that feels best to them. While it may be some time before we see this type of change nationally, it can also happen on a micro-level, with several schools across the country choosing to embrace Parents’ Day as a more inclusive alternative.
A more inclusive future
Gender is one of many lenses through which these two holidays can be problematic. This time of year can also be triggering for those dealing with loss. School art projects for Father’s Day can leave kids with two moms feeling excluded. And for people who aren’t parents but want to be, these days can weigh heavily.
But we found this encouraging: this spring, brands including Parachute and Away got attention for offering customers the opportunity to opt-out of Mother’s and Father’s Day emails, understanding that this time of year can be sensitive for those who have lost a loved one and for any number of other reasons. While this has nothing to do with gender, it does signal that brands are growing more conscious and empathetic. The next opportunity is to disrupt gendered marketing and holiday norms, and to create more inclusive experiences that speak to the realities of families today.